The Perils of Girlhood, Melissa’s forthcoming memoir-in-essays is available for preorder from the University of Nebraska Press. Books will ship by September 1, 2025!
Thanks so much for choosing The Perils of Girlhood for your discussion. To arrange a visit (online/ in person) with your Book Group, please get in touch via the Contact page. I would be happy to sign copies of The Perils of Girlhood. Is this book available in your local library? If not, please request it!
READER’S GUIDE FOR THE PERILS OF GIRLHOOD
For many girls, the end of childhood marks the moment we begin to minimize our wants and curtail our feelings. It is when we begin to alienate ourselves from our bodies, even our minds. Describe your own adolescence. What has remained with you from that time and how does it shape you today?
How does the opening prologue set the stage for this book?
In the prologue, the author’s friend initially expresses delight at learning the author’s swim coach had pressed himself against her. For many women, desirability is connected with worth. How did the culture of the 80s and 90s reinforce such a belief? In what ways have we moved on from such beliefs, and how are we still mired in the notion?
In “More Like Dad,” after the author’s father struggles to get their motorboat out of Cedar Lake, he loses his temper and later says: “If I’m not here tomorrow, you’ve got to know how to take care of the boat.” The author panics. “Dad is dying, I think. Tomorrow he might not be here.” The term “intergenerational trauma,” attributed to Maria Yellow Horse Brave Heart in the 1980s, refers to trauma that is passed down from one generation to the next. Here the author’s father, who lost his own dad at age thirteen, is haunted by the possibility this could occur to him as well. What are some ways you’ve witnessed trauma impacting descendants of survivors?
The author’s “perils of girlhood” have to do with her relationships with men, sexual trauma, disordered eating as well as what it means to live with a female body as she experiences miscarriages and her husband and daughters’ chronic illnesses. What are some of the perils of your own life? How have you endured these moments and continued to move forward?
When the author’s daughter in “My Body, My Shame,” says she does not like herself, the author tells her daughter that “‘Just because you think something, doesn’t mean it’s true.’ Eva blinked and something rippled through me. It was what I wish I had been told.” What is something you wish you might tell your adolescent self?
Some of the essays in the perils of girlhood are told chronologically. Others are more experimental and lyrical. What is the effect of varying the forms of the essays in this book? How might such forms mirror the experiences of girlhood, motherhood, daughterhood, womanhood?
From the books by Judy Blume to aerosol hairspray, Barbie Style Head, to music by Madonna and Sinead O'Connor, pop culture elements create the atmosphere of suburban Chicago in the 80s and 90s in this book. What were some of the pop culture elements that stood out for you and helped create a sense of this time and place?
About the book, Abigail Thomas said, “The Perils of Girlhood will generate conversation that parents of daughters and sons find challenging.” What are some of the conversations you wish to partake?
Friendship plays a huge part in the arc of this book; we see how the author's friends work to support her through challenging times. Who are the constants in your own life? What is universal about such friendships and what about each friendship is unique?
Since #MeToo, women in our culture seem to be talking about things that they've never discussed previously. Why do you believe such conversations are taking place? What influence are they having on our present moment?
As the book progresses and the author becomes a mother to twin daughters, she is forced to ask hard questions about what it means to be a girl growing up now and how she might help her daughters see themselves as more than bodies. She struggles to learn how to mother lovingly despite her anxieties that her daughters might fall prey to similar traumas. What sort of conclusion to you believe the book offers?